The Horne Family: November 2009

As many of you know, we are currently experiencing apartment living since we recently moved to Missouri and have not yet decided if we want to buy a house here or not. This is a first for both of us. Though I do not particularly enjoy the atmosphere of "apartment living"- i.e.: no parking, climbing stairs with groceries, hearing our upstairs neighbors walking/talking/fighting/and repeatedly going outside for smoke breaks, second hand smoke seeping through the vents, everyone watching me get in and out of the car while they're sitting on their porches smoking, and the wicked witch of the midwest who lives with barking ToTo dog(aka Taffy) next door.- I was excited for two things! No yard work, and a maintenance man! How great is that- whenever something breaks I just have to call maintenance to come fix it, then a nice man shows up at my door, fixes my problem, tips his hat and says "you have a great day maam, and let us know if we can be of any further service to you:)" - thats how it works right! WRONG! So wrong!
So our microwave is a complete lemon. It overheats after two minutes and completely dies. Then it takes about 10 minutes to cool off, then comes back to life again. This was starting to get on my nerves because I couldn't even heat up easy mac without it dying. Not cool when I have a starving, demanding toddler who loves anything with the word cheese in it! So about two months ago Chad went to the front office and put in a request for a new microwave.
"Ok -we'll have maintenance come and take a look at it!"
Chad- " Honey no more worries- maintenance is going to come fix the microwave!"
Me- " Oh great! when are they coming?"
Chad- "Uh, I guess they will just call you and let you know"
Me- "sounds great!"
--one month later-- no calls from the maintenance man.
Chad goes to the front office to put in a second request for maintenance to come check out our bum microwave.
Randomly, 2 weeks later while I had visitors in town I get a knock on my door- MAINTENANCE!
Oh, look who decided to show up! He comes in, checks out the microwave like he designed the luxury appliance, then states that he is going to have to get a hold of the manufacturer to see what the problem could be.
Oh good- I wonder how long that is going to take.
A couple days later I come home and find a note on my counter from the maintenance man that says "Your microwave is fine, it just has a moisture control safety mechanism that makes it turn off when it gets too hot."
Two things immediately go through my head: "No it is not fine! I can't even cook easy mac! and Wait a min- was this dude in my house while I was gone? He can't do that!
Now I know that the maintenance man has a key to all of the apartments, but isn't he supposed to call you and get your permission before he goes tromping in to your apartment? Hmmmm...... I feel violated! Nothing appears to be missing so I let it slide- I'm more upset that we didn't get a new microwave.
So I send the Man of the House back to the front office to let them know this excuse is not going to fly, and if he wants, I'll switch the maintenance man for his microwave and see if he really thinks its just a "safety mechanism" after he repeatedly gets an uncooked bowl of oatmeal!

So last week I'm home one morning doing my mommy duties, changing poo poo diapers. Chad's out of town so I'm not waisting time getting ready or anything, in fact, I'm in the middle of a pregnancy hot flash so I'm not wearing much at all (just my white glory undies) and I hear a loud knock on the door. I freeze! I'm definitely not going to the door like this, plus I have my hands full- so go away who ever you are! Another knock. I'm not answering- go away, I'm thinking. Suddenly panic strikes! Someone is sticking a key in my door, someone just opened my door!!!!
Then I hear a loud: "MAINTENANCE!"
What!! No phone call, no warning- OH NO I'm not dressed!! I run to Carmyns rooms door and shut it before he sees me. I see him- He's in my Kitchen already!! Aaaahhhhhh! So I crack the door open and yell "Can you please come back later- I don't have time right now!" I wasn't about to tell him I wasn't dressed! Of coarse he can't hear me because Barney is blaring on the TV. "What?" he says as he starts walking towards the room I'm in. Aaaahhhh- Panic! I yell louder "I NEED YOU TO COME BACK LATER!" "Oh" he says, then just turns around and leaves.
I'm pissed! I immediately call my husband in a panic rage to tell him how appalled I am- Not much he could do, he was in Minnesota.
So I pull myself together, put Carmyn down for a nap, and decide that I better get in the shower and get ready because this dude's probably going to come back when I least expect him. I was right! I'm in the middle of my shower and once again I hear a loud knock on my door. Then another loud knock. Then the door opening..... MAINTENANCE! I'm standing in the shower in a frozen stupor! What do I do? Surely he can hear the shower running and he will leave, right? He's not leaving. Oh no, my child is sleeping in the next room and there is a strange man in my house and I am in the shower!!! Is he really the maintenance man? Or is he some disgusting serial killer rapist man? Do I run out of the bathroom in a towel and dive in to Carmyns room, lock the door and call 911 in effort to protect my child? Something tells me to stay calm and just wait. A couple minutes go by and I hear the door close- then lock. I'm still shaking. I get out of the shower, throw some clothes on, and slowly enter the front room. No one is there. I check on Carmyn. She's still sleeping. Then I see it- another note. "Your microwave does not qualify for a replacement, sorry for the inconvenience- maintenance."
Thats it! The maintenance man is going down! This isn't funny anymore. No more nice Amber. No- you've invaded my privacy one to many times bucko!
So I let the Man of the House deal with the situation one LAST time! He was to tell them- "You will replace our microwave! and, You will CALL US before you come to the house, and You are NOT allowed to enter uninvited!!"

Today Chad was out of town so I went to my friend Tiffany's house for the evening. I got home late and walked in my apartment and immediately knew something was wrong. It smelled like something had burned up, and my fire alarm was chirping like it had been going off, or needed to be reset. I walked in slowly to assess the situation. Then I saw it. A shiny new microwave in place of our old one, and a note that said "We replaced your microwave- maintenance." No phone call, no warning, nothing.

I figure that he tried to test the microwave and cooked something that overheated it and set the fire alarm off. Thats why we finally qualified for a new microwave.

I really hope that was the last home invasion of the maintenance man. I will be fixing all further problems myself!

No I did not just eat a large steak with mashed potatoes!

There's a bun in that oven and it's getting BIG! We figured we better break the news because there's no more hiding this little bean.
I'm 12 weeks and counting.
This one was actually planned so we are pretty excited! Carmyn is in need of a little sibling to play with and rule over :) Mom and Dad were definitely in need of more sleepless nights and dirty diapers- wait a min!- Crap- there's no turning back now- j/k. Somehow- it's all so worth it :)

--Side note:
Yes I realize that my child is actually only the size of a lemon right now and I look like I have a cantalope shoved in there, but any woman who has walked this path before will agree with me that greasy mexican food, french fries, and ice cream are much more satisfying than trying to stay thin! There's really nothing worse than an unsatisfied nauseous pregnant woman! Ask my husband :)